By Major Edith Lagunas

“Speaking Candidly….Re-defining Beauty and being GOOD ENOUGH”

I grew up in Chicago, IL., raised in the middle of the busy bustling neighborhoods where I always felt comfortable being invisible and unseen. I could just sit and read for hours and imagined the life that awaited me. I immersed myself in the stories and imagined that I was right there next to the characters.

It was such a wonderful way to separate myself from my real life and experiences. From the streets and gangs and drugs that surrounded me and ran rampant on the streets. I hated the screaming and constant toxicity. I learned at a young age how to block that part away. I learned many valuable lessons of trust and security. This shaped me to be someone rough on the edges, resilient and yet callous.

As a precocious child, I remember dreaming and yearning for a life that would take me away from Chicago and from the life and streets that I knew were not destined for me. My relationship with my mother was very toxic. All I yearned was for her love, but nothing was good enough… so I left home when I was 16 years old. I remember her telling me that I would not survive on my own and that my fate was to fail. A survival instinct in me kicked in and this is when God showed me he would walk with me.

Through friends and people that believed in me, I was able to navigate life. It was such a hard road, but through a miracle and pure determination, I graduated high-school. Despite the many struggles, I managed to graduate college, earning a Master’s Degree in Psychology.

I decided to enroll in Officer training in the United States Army. In my mind, I was doing it to serve my country and for the GI Bill, to pursue my dream, which at the time was to go to law school. I also, desperately wanted to be “good enough” for my parents.

In the Army, I thrived and met many people from various parts of the country. I enjoyed learning and knowing that our perspectives and experiences are so different yet we are all seeking to do better. Here I met many wonderful men and women and many great mentors.

But not everything was destined to be great!

During an assignment overseas to S. Korea. I was sexually assaulted, and no one in my chain of command believed me in addition to being ruthlessly bullied by CID and the MP unit personnel that took the report.

I learned to block and erase it from my mind. For many years the words “what were you wearing?” and “Are you sure you were not drinking?” would wake me up at night. What was worse was that the Senior ranking Soldier who did this to me walked around with a smirk on his face. I forever buried it deeper and deeper so as to not feel the pain, and I immersed myself in my career, continuing to succeed. I eventually deployed to Iraq and to Afghanistan. In Iraq, I was sexually harassed, and I just pushed it away from my mind, not wanting to face it. Fortunately, a bystander reported it, and to my own surprise, I refused to talk about it.

Through the years, I kept burying my feelings to a place where I could not feel them. That, coupled with the loss of several friends killed in Iraq and the stress of the deployments, led me down a very dark path. The more I started to ‘feel,’ the busier I made myself. I began occupying myself in real estate investments and involving myself in projects and community work, while I prided myself for functioning on 4 hours of sleep. Burying myself in work occupied every minute of my time; I had no time to think nor feel emotion!

Eventually, in 2017, I broke down and was diagnosed with chronic exhaustion, inflammation, sleeping issues, and depression. In my mind, I was not going to accept it. I kept telling the medical providers that they were wrong. I left the doctor’s office angry and skeptical. I picked up my medication, still unable to accept what was going on with me and shaking in disbelief. I would spend the next several months catching up with sleep. It was almost like my body knew it was time to rest, my body would just lay still, while my mind was just refusing to accept the diagnosis.

Then it got worse. I began to experience so many emotions, and the anger rose up all over again. Eventually, I began to accept my broken self. I realized that I needed to love and nurture that little girl that never felt ‘good enough’ and I purposed give that young soldier her voice back!

In 2019 I began exploring the entrepreneurial world. I founded B2 Beauty By Bella, a skincare line of natural products for women. B2 Beauty By Bella’s mission is to empower women to feel good, so they can continue to resonate beauty from within while projecting confidence in their own skin.

As I learned to love myself, I also realized that I did not have to struggle by myself. I learned that the standard of BEAUTY and confidence is intrinsic, and it is all around us. No one person can define you, and I am not defined by what I went through. I learned to forgive those that took my voice and have forgiven myself for not speaking out…but most importantly, I have learned to love myself.

Now, I not only enjoy my Army career, but I love working out, traveling, and hiking. Most importantly I am very present in what I do. At the present, I stop to look and enjoy the beauty that surrounds me. I also know that I am good enough and have started a Re-defining Ser Bella (Re-defining Beauty) series, where my guests talk about their journey and experiences with beauty and acceptance.

https://www.b2beautybybella.com/

Edith Lagunas, MAJOR in the U.S. Army with over 20 years in service as a Logistician.

Owner of B2 Beauty By Bella

Real Estate & Crypto Investor

Advisory Council Board Member of Advancing Latinas in Leadership Mentoring Program

‘GOOD ENOUGH’

A REAL GO-GETTER

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