BACK ON THE HOME FRONT:
THE WINTER SEASON
By Mia Burke
Shawn & Mia Burke
The leaves from my majestic and ancient oaks have all fallen - gently drifting to the barren ground as the season transitions from the humid hot of summer to the crisp dryness of fall and into the chill of a Mississippi winter. The change in weather brings with it the nostalgia of the not-so-distant past- years gone too swiftly. I can’t help but reflect on the days when our home was vibrant with young energy, tension, and life- and like the current season, now seems cold, barren, and listless as the kids have flown the nest to serve overseas.
My husband, third-generation Air Force, now retired is now only a link in the chain of service as our son is now fourth and our daughter is married to a fourth-generation member as well. Navigating this transition in seasons from active-duty spouse to retiree and mother of adult service members has been delicate and unexpectedly treacherous- How do you share your experiences, wisdom, insight without belittling or being perceived as talking down at them? How do you talk with not at your adult children as they’re learning the reality of adulthood? Do they even want to hear our experiences or just live out their own?
The seasons turning is as gradual as their departure was- first college, then their marriages, now living overseas. The relationship changed and it’s been lonely, unfamiliar territory with no promises of coming through the changes intact much less in the place I’d love it to be. Then I remember my own journey of making a home, learning the ways of the military as a spouse, and eventually figuring out how to balance a career, education, and raising children -oftentimes alone due to deployments or a demanding tempo at work for Shawn.
Trusting my experience with the seasons, things must die in order to come back anew in the spring- so I trust that the length between conversations, the shallow exchanges when we do talk, and the tongue biting when I would love to interject some wisdom- is temporary.
As the parent of adult children in the military, I’m learning to listen more than talk, to love unconditionally, to support without enabling. We are still in the season of rapid changes, quick decay; but I choose to hope with persistence we will enter a new season and that we will connect more deeply.
In the dark days of winter when things seem dead, there’s life in the brittle branches. So, I begin to build a life apart from my children. I find places to serve, make new connections, and find a rhythm of work, serving, exploring my marriage, and shifting into new ways of relating to Shawn outside of parenting. We find we aren’t taking the long silences as personally; we are able to rejoice as the kids work through hiccups and roadblocks and listen when plans are shared- regardless of agreeing or disagreeing with the way they’re tackled.
My hope is placed in KNOWING Spring is coming knowing that we raised our children to the best of our abilities and are learning to see them as unique individuals- actually enjoying that the burden of raising them is complete.