GOLD STAR WIFE - EMILY FEEKS
BY CHRISTINE WALKER
On August 16, 2012, Emily Feeks arrived to work with a “very bad” feeling. Emily was CTR stationed stateside at SRT1, Coronado NAB in San Diego. Her husband, Patrick, was a SEAL on mission in Afghanistan. In the year and a half since they got married, together time was hit and miss for this Military couple. As Emily recalls, “either Pat was deployed or I was.”
Emily joined the United States Navy in 1999 and served as a Cryptologic Technician Collection or CTR, operating state-of-the-art computer systems to conduct Information and Cyberspace Operations.
She and Patrick met in 2010, immediately hit it off, and they were married shortly thereafter. Even with their hectic schedules, Emily and Pat made their relationship work through purposeful communication. They loved each other fiercely and were ready to start a family when Pat returned home from deployment.
But that morning something was very ‘off’, and even though there was not an official dispatch and the instant report hadn’t been signed off, Emily learned that Pat, as well as the other SEAL Team 3 members had been killed when their Black Hawk Helicopter had been shot down by enemy insurgents.
Patrick Feeks - SO1 SEAL USN - AUG. 16 2012
“My brain couldn’t comprehend it. I couldn’t rationalize in my head that this was even possible. I had just talked to him 12 hours before his mission,” Emily remembers.
When Emily and the family finally got the ‘official’ word of Pat’s death, she and his sister, also active duty Navy in San Diego, flew to Maryland to be with Pat’s family.
“I couldn’t see outside my own grief. Everyone else was grieving but I personally couldn’t see it. I couldn’t comfort myself, much less be there for my in-laws.” Emily said.
Emily felt as if her brain had shut down. She went through the motions of making decisions for the funeral, buying a dress and everything else that accompanied this horrific tragedy, but actually remembers very little. She was just numb.
After the funeral, it was just too much to remain in San Diego. The memories, the places that both Emily and Pat had loved, it was like a permanent cloud was hovering over this beautiful sunny city that used to hold so much joy.
Emily put in a transfer to Tampa, FL. She had to start a new life, and day by day, week by week, Emily began to heal.
But even 4-years later, she recalls crying to the Navy SEALS Foundation. “Even when I’m an independent strong person who opened up my life and heart to this person. You know you can take care of yourself, but this REALLY SUCKS.”
This August will mark the 9 year anniversary of Patrick’s death. Emily has since retired from the Navy in 2019 and will be getting married this October, with Pat’s family in attendance. “We are still close, because we communicated our grief, and we are still family,” she said.
And even though she will always miss Patrick, “I’m certain that my fiancé is ‘Pat’ approved,” she said with a laugh.
1 https://www.cool.navy.mil/usn/enlisted/ctr.htm