WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE A VETERAN?

What does it mean to be a Veteran or more specifically, what does being a Veteran mean to me?  I’ve asked myself that question again this year, for what seems like the hundred thousanth time over the course of 30-years since my enlistment ended.  And what’s my answer?

It’s complicated and has taken decades for me to come to grips with the answer. 

I have always been proud to have worn the uniform for my Country, that was never the issue.  I was a Corpsman stationed at Camp Lejeune NAVHOSP, Internal Medicine ward because there were no FMF/8404 billets available for female Corpsman at the time,  otherwise I would have jumped at the chance, so I tried to make the best of it.   

I adored my Marines and often found myself sitting in their rooms in between rounds to do my paperwork, just to ‘be there’ for them.  I cant tell you how many times I got called to the carpet for doing that, but I didn’t care.  They deserved to have someone there who was present. 

I’m not going to lie, things went sideways for me and I was discharged with a General “Under Honorable” conditions after just two-years for a nasty eating disorder I developed due to MST. 20-year old me was just not equipped to emotionally deal with that crap, so self-destruction became my ‘norm.’ 

When I got out of the Military, there were no transition services and VSO’s were for ‘real’ Veterans. So wearing my badge of shame, I packed my uniforms in my seabag,  put it in the back of my closet and did the same with my service, putting it in the back of my mind, becoming my secret.   

A handful of times I summoned the courage to stand when Veterans were recognized, but I felt like a fraud.  Who the hell was I to stand in the presence of real Veterans. 

Then about 5-years ago, something happened.  Maybe it was just life experience that kicks you in the ass, or coming to an age where I just didn’t give a damn about others opinions of me anymore… regardless of the reason why,  I quit hiding who I’ve really been since I was 18.   

Reflecting back on the past 3 decades, I can see now that my military experience forged me in the fire, influencing every aspect of who I am and everything I have done over the years… good and bad. And I’ll be damned if I’m going to slink back into the shadows.

I am a proud Navy Veteran!  And the love I have for my brothers and sisters, from every war era and service branch goes far beyond fluffy feelings.  It’s real, raw and fuels the commitment I feel for each and every one of you. And for me, this is what it means to be a Veteran.     

Christine Walker | USN - Desert Storm